Fiat Lux Redux

If you recall, I was stymied while trying to replace a light fixture and had to head to the hardware store to fix wiring that had lost its insulation.

I went to the local hardware store because they
A. Know what they are doing and won't tell you to go to Aisle 36 Double Z to find a hammer and
B. Even though they could, they don't make you feel like a moron for asking idiotic questions.

I explained the crumbling insualtion and they assured me I could just use electrical tape, but my fear of an impending electrical fire must have been evident and they sold me some really cool little tubes that, when you heat them up, they "melt" onto the wire and act as insulation.

Off I went, sure that my project would be completed soon and my hallway bathed in beautiful halogen light. First, I had to scurry back down under the neighbor's juniper, kill the power and then go slip the insulation on the wire. Done! Back up the man-eating bush, turn the power back on, then run the hair dryer for a while to melt the insulation. OK, power back off, and now for the easy part: Attach the new fixture's mounting bracket to the old electrical box in the ceiling.

Nope. Not today. The electrical box is a 3 inch box and the bracket is about 4 1/2 inches!!What?? I tried every different way, sure that I must be hallucinating. It was all too real.Painfully real. My wife took the kids outside with her...they didn't need to see what I was becoming. Back to the hardware store for new electrical boxes. OK, back home, didn't even bother turning the power back on, I'm going to conquer this light fixture! Grab the drill, put in the Philips bit and....there's a nail. It's nailedin!! Who nails these things in? OK, so I can pull the nail right? I ask my wife to hold the flashlight(it's getting dark with no power to any lights in the house)and she reluctanlty agrees.

I pull, pry, twist and push. Nothing..Oh wait, something: The piece of wood holding the box is coming loose. That's nice. My wife and kids are now nowhere to be found. I take out the ladder to get into the attic. Halfway up, the ladder collapses...didn't quite tighten that one brace. OK, no harm done, back up the ladder into the attic. Ugh....attic is a very generous description. If you ever really want to know something about your house, crawl under it or go into the attic. What did they build this thing with? No time for that now...I have a look at the mount for the electrical box and realize I'll be heading back to the hardware store.

Well, now I'm quite well-armed for this battle: An eight foot long 2x4, a million screws, electrical tape, wire insulation, oh and a couple of new light fixtures. Almost forgot those. Sadly, with "The Holidays" officially here, I don't see how I can finish before January. On the plus side, at least I'll have a New Year's resolution.