The Messiah!

Merry Christmas.

Dear Marketing Genius, ...

I went to the Motorcycle Show this weekend. It's an annual pilgrimage for me this time of year...sort of the adult equivalent of Ralphie's quest for the Red Ryder BB Gun in A Christmas Story.I, like Ralphie, must have the object of my desire in order to make my life complete. But unlike our hero, I, alas, never find my motorcycle carefully hidden behind a piece of furniture on Christmas morning.

What DO I get? I have to deal with the ever-changing whims of the guys who make up the various Marketing groups who name the motorcycles every year. Normally, I'm not a fan of names per se, I prefer an alpha-numeric designation. Unfortunately, names can be evocative and thus, more powerful. Who can forget the Vincent 'Black Shadow', the Norton 'Commando' or the Kawasaki 'Ninja'? The problem is, every Marketing hack thinks his idea will be the next 'Ninja' or 'Super Duke, but we wind up with something like the Aprilia 'Shiver'.Shiver? Are you kidding me? Shiver...really...What is that supposed to evoke? Fear? Draftiness? I mean, Aprilia shares the same cachet as its fraternal company Ducati, which has the awesome 'Monster' in its lineup. The Shiver is an excellent bike, but what self-respecting biker could hang around Zeitgeist talking about his SHIVER?? The 'Shiv' maybe....

Suzuki also gets a thumbs down on their new model that essentially replaces the SV650. As soon as I laid eyes on this it, I was on it faster than an auto exec on a Gulfstream 250! I reached over the bar and grabbed the tag and nearly fell off: The Gladius.What in the name of...GLADIUS? Jesus, it's like the lead in to a raunchy joke. How did they come up with that name. What does it mean?? Its like a Latin test.."Damn, how do you conjugate the verb gladius?" Or was Gladius a famous emperor? It's too bad, because it's a great bike, a possible Monster-killer even, but with a name lime Gladius...Good luck.

That being said, if any of you high-level Suzuki corporate types are reading this and want to prove me wrong, just drop an email and I'll send you a delivery address.

I Love The Internet By Cracky!

You know, you really have to wonder how we got along before the Interwebs came along. I caught myself the other day telling my daughters how, when I was their age, we didn't have the Internet. God, I sounded like my Mom when she'd talk about growing up before they had televisions in every house.

Beside the obvious advantages of the Internet, like online shopping, music downloads, and as Paracelsus points out, learning to play the paino, there are people out there who will share the most specific information. Let's go back about two weeks, when I was driving and inserted my favoriteMary Gauthier CD in the ol' Camry's CD player. Nothing. I pushed Play, FFWD, you name it. In despair, I hit the Eject button. No disc magically slid out. I was depressed and not a little mad that yet another vintage Japanese car had eaten a favorite musician's work(I had an old Infiniti G20 whose tape player gobbled up a Who tape, but at least let me play it).
I finally had some time on my hands today and went online to see if some other hapless soul had experienced the same thing. What I found was a godsend...Removing the radio from your Camry. Hurray! Not only did I get the radio out, I found my CD and 2 others!(The car used to be my sister's). The weird thing, none o fthe CD's were in the player, but resting on top. Oh well, one day I'll have a car with an iPod jack and never have another problem!

Trabivergnuegen

Paracelsus sent me this amusing, yet amazingly real, link for the Trabi Safari.
Now on the face of it, I thought, "Hell no!!!" You see, years ago when I was in Germany, we visited then-East Germany with some friends. We actually rode in a Trabant Taxi, and let me tell you, I think I would change that old saying about foxholes and Atheists, because there were a lot of prayers being whispered in that car. Most were coming from the driver! The supposed Godless Eastern Bloc...Yeah, well, when your Taxi has a huge fire extinguisher strapped to the floor, it stalls at every red light and there are more holes in the floorboards than O.J.'s alibi, you know you're in for the ride of your life.

I'm sure at ~$50 for a 2 person joyride, these Trabis are in top condition. I'm pretty sure there are mountains of spare parts all over Germany. Still, I think half the fun of this Safari is the inherent danger of driving what an Americanm car is slowly becoming!(Just kidding Big Three junket boys...Keep begging for money!).
But seriously, remember This Guy I wrote about before? See, that's the "Safari" part of this trip: The whole panic-inducing, omnipresent anxiety of "Will this break down and leave me stranded?" Man, what have we bceome as a species that we have to pay for what was, for our ancient forerunners, every day life? I mean without the stinky smoke -belching 2 stroke motor and fine German beer of course.

Anyway, I say kudos to you, you crafty, enterprising Germans. Why, think of the possibilities of this kind of thing here, with a Pontiac Aztek!.
Doesnt work so much here, but I wonder if these same Germans are thinking of a full blown East German Land amusment park(?)...

Imagine, travelling back in time to the Cold War era. Your stay will be at a luxurious 1 star, Warsaw Pact Hotel, with cold running water, straw filled matresses and a continental breakfast consisting of gray, unidentifiable meat, stale toast and lukewarm, greasy coffee. Hop in your Trabi for a trip across town. Be sure to purchase fuel from a man under the overpass for the best deal. You are then free to wander the shopping districts of East Berlin, marvel at the complete lack of consumer products available to you. Wonder at the loathsome treatment you receive from the shop owners, public works employees and just about anyone else you meet on the street who notice your nice clothes and holeless shoes.
Up for some adventure? Try the "Berliner Mauer" obstacle course(NOTE: Those in 'B' class hotels, this is listed as "In-House Gym". 'A' Class hotel residents are not eligible). Try to make your way through concertina wire, mock mine fileds and crack border guards. Make it to Checkpoint Charlie unscathed and recive 10% off your visit!

Yeah, very funny. Check out Das Leben der Anderen for a stark portayal of the time.